Sunday, November 25, 2012
Identity Crisis
As I was having lunch with a couple of old friends and a few new faces, I had a moment of panic and realized I had nothing to contribute to any conversation. All I had to talk about was what Sophia was eating now, or how many words she can say now or why she isn't sleeping, etc. I know it's common for moms, especially ones that stay home, to lose their identity. This feels different though. I realized I have completely lost myself and I have no idea who I am. I'm certainly not the same person I was before I had her, but really who am I now? I don't really "do" anything for myself. I used to read all the time, but I haven't read a book in over a year. A whole year. I don't have time to. I used to keep up with political news and what not and now I couldn't tell you what's going on. I feel like I'm just this blob not contributing anything to society at all. It also makes me wonder if this is why my relationship fell apart. So, the question is, who am I and how do find myself again?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Whoa...I remember feeling this way when Violet was a baby. It's hard, but it is not unique. Do not blame yourself for the loss of your relationship. It takes two to build a marriage and two to break it down. Really. You will find yourself again. Baby girl is still so young and needy. Give yourself time.
Thanks Kelly. I'm trying, I really am. I still need to come see you guys. What are the next couple of weeks like for you?
Michelle I agree with what Kelly said about it taking 2 to make or break a relationship and I am sure that neither of you is 100% at fault. I also agree that you will find yourself again. It may take a long time but it will happen. Now is the time to explore new things or rediscover some of the things you love. Have you found any mommy groups? Great for meeting new people who... like you... talk about what their child is eating or saying... if you miss reading then you should find 5 minutes every day to read just a page or 2 of a book... it may take a month or 3 to finish it but hey it's still reading. Is there anything else that you miss doing? Is it something you could introduce Sophia too? What about visiting some animals somewhere? Is there any sanctuaries or rescues near you? You are a good person and a great mom... and those are just a part of who you are... now you just need to fill in some holes... one at a time... Keep your chin up and your shoulders back... hugs
My dear, you had plenty to add to conversation that afternoon simply by being there. Yes, S. is the biggest part of your life right now, and yes, you'll talk of her a ton, and that's perfectly okay. In fact, it's *wonderful*, because you are being exactly who you are, a proud momma with a beautiful daughter.
You're also going through one of the toughest changes anyone can go through, and yes, will examine every inch looking for answers and yes, will wonder who exactly you are now. It'll take time. You may come to a point--like I did--where you realize that there are no proper answers to "what happened?" and have to actively let the quest for the answers fall to the wayside as self-protection.
It isn't that you don't have an identity, it's that your identity has been, so to speak, "molting". You're shedding some of the prior version of you, and right now you're a bit pink and tender as your new layers are being exposed. It hurts, it's sometimes awful, but once in awhile, I hope you'll look in the mirror and see this new layer and think of it as a new chance to shape exactly who it is you want to be. That might take some experimenting, but it's good.
And sometimes, if you need to cocoon, if you need the rest, that's allowed. You're allowed.
Know that you're loved and appreciated. I'm here for you any time you need to talk, to vent, or just get some compliments, okay? <3
Post a Comment