It's February already?

I didn't realize just how long it had been since I last posted.  Time really flies when life keeps throwing hard balls at you.  But, I'm surviving.  One day at a time.  I promise I'll write something interesting soon. Until then, I'm still here...

Goodbye 2012

I don't know about anyone else, but I am more than ready to start a brand new year.  2012 has been a very challenging year in so many ways.  I am ready to start anew for 2013.  I don't make resolutions though.  Those are doomed to fail.  I do however have some goals that I would like to achieve.  So, in no particular order, here are my goals for me (and Sophia):

1. Get Sophia to nap by herself- I'm not sure how this is going to happen or how long it will take, but it needs to happen.  If you are a co sleeping mom, I need advice!
2. Take better care of myself- I need to start taking better care of myself physically, emotionally, and mentally.  This includes finding a doctor (even though I have no insurance), and trying to do things for myself.
3. Utilize my "time" better- By time, I mean my 5 minutes here and there I have.  Even if I read a book for 5 minutes, or fold the clothes I never get to fold.
4. Get out!- Get out of the house more with Sophia.  Sometimes it's too hard physically, but when I do feel okay, I need to do things with her. She needs to socialize more with other kids especially.  
5. Fix my back- Obviously a lot of this is out of my hands, but I need to do everything I can to make it happen.
6. Get a job- This is very dependent on #1 and #5 and if someone offers me a job to begin with.

I hope 2013 brings nothing but good things for everyone! Goodbye 2012!

Revelation

While talking to someone today, I had a revelation.  It was so strong it brought tears to my eyes.  About a month ago, I wrote about having an identity crisis.  I realized today that maybe I'm really not. That maybe that person is still somewhere deep inside me and that she's just been buried down deep.  I believe a lot of this has to do with moving away from Vermont.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I have very strong beliefs about almost everything, (food, animals, environment, parenting, etc.).  I realized that those beliefs or ethics or lifestyle, whatever you want to call them are who I am at my core.  When C and I moved to Vermont almost 10 years ago, I think we both felt like we could finally be ourselves.  Almost like we had found a place we were both comfortable to be as we were and there was a community, and people who shared these "beliefs" so to speak.  (I think it's okay to speak for him too- if not C, let me know)  It was an amazing feeling.   Being here in Ohio, I feel like my "beliefs" are constantly challenged.  I am in no way saying that any one is doing or saying something intentionally, it's just very different from how I live and how I want Sophia to grow up.  My goal and hope is to move back there someday.  I wanted Sophia to grow up there and go to school there.  By no means is Vermont perfect, but it was perfect enough for me.  The good news is I never truly lost myself. My challenge now is to somehow live here and not "lose" myself or my beliefs.  I need to find like minded people and do the things that are important to me and that I want to teach Sophia. I need  to do things that are important to me again.  It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to try.  To all of you reading who live in VT, I miss you and we'll be back again someday!

16 months

How is it that my daughter is 16 months old? I blinked my eyes and she's this little girl. A beautiful, silly, stubborn little girl who is way too much liker her Mama. That's all I can say now because it's so hard to believe. I'll just leave you with some pictures...

Identity Crisis

As I was having lunch with a couple of old friends and a few new faces, I had a moment of panic and realized I had nothing to contribute to any conversation.  All I had to talk about was what Sophia was eating now, or how many words she can say now or why she isn't sleeping, etc.  I know it's common for moms, especially ones that stay home, to lose their identity.  This feels different though.  I realized I have completely lost myself and I have no idea who I am.  I'm certainly not the same person I was before I had her, but really who am I now? I don't really "do" anything for myself.  I used to read all the time, but I haven't read a book in over a year. A whole year.  I don't have time to.  I used to keep up with political news and what not and now I couldn't tell you what's going on.  I feel like I'm just this blob not contributing anything to society at all.  It also makes me wonder if this is why my relationship fell apart.  So, the question is, who am I and how do find myself again?

Thanksgiving for 2

This year's Thanksgiving was a little strange and bittersweet.  Part of my family had other obligations, and the rest got together right during Sophia's nap time.  I decided to stay home with Sophia so she could get her nap and it was actually nice being alone with her.  We are so rarely alone together and we had a good time.  We watched the Macy's parade and Sophia was beside herself.  She was dancing and clapping the whole time! We played for a long time and took a nap and I made us dinner when we got up.  On our menu was: veggie burgers, mashed sweet potatoes, quinoa, and peas and carrots.  Not your traditional meal, but the whole day was a bit nontraditional.  We had fun none the less.  Even with all that has happened in the past 6 months, I am still very thankful for all my family and friends for their help and support.  I am most thankful for this beautiful little girl that keeps me going. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Onward to the next holiday!

New Life. New Blog.

I've been absent from my blog and the blog world in general for a long time now, but I'm back! Due to unforeseen circumstances, Sophia and I have moved back to my hometown and are living with my parents.  So, I have a new life and a new blog.  My old blog is still here if you wish to peruse my old life.  Please be patient as I get this one together. I hope you will continue to follow along with all of our adventures! I am forever grateful that I have all my family here around for everything. But at the end of the day as Sophia and I are rocking in the chair to go to bed, I realize this new life is hard and scary, but we'll get through it together. Just the 2 of us...